Over the past year, I have become...
feisty?
ornery?
loud?
obnoxious?
different?
harsh?
opinionated?
2009 was NOT my year to shine, as I have already eluded to before. Trying to get past a season that seemed to last for 10 years, not just 1, has been very taxing on my mind. 2010 can only get better, right?
Well, it seems as though I have changed. I was having a conversation on the phone with the mister last night (he's pulling a 48hr shift--oh the joy), and I was ranting and raving about a current upset in our lives that won't seem to go away. I was griping, carrying on, whining, and just being a complete joy to talk to *obvious sarcasm there*. I said something that I never thought I'd hear myself say: "John, unfortunately I'm beginning to hate...and I don't like that feeling."
Yup. I said it. The big, ugly, no-no word--HATE.
Since when did I decide to hate?!?
Is it a human I hate?
No.
Is it a situation/circumstances I hate?
Yes.
Hmmmm.....
So, I guess over the past year, I've become all of those things listed above.
And I'm a hater.
I'm a hater of disagreements, frustrations that never seem to disappear, close-mindedness, zero tolerance, and very bad behavior toward humans.
You know the good ol' saying, "Why can't we all just get along?" Well, why can't we? Why does life have to be filled with such ups and downs?
*Yes, I realize I'm using more question marks than anything in this post, but what can I say? Oops, I did it again...*
I want everyone to like me. I need approval of those around me. I have enough love to forgive and forget, so why is that not reciprocated? Uggggg, the torture.
You know what, in circumstances such as this (what John and I are dealing with), I think it's okay to be a hater. After all, no one wants to walk through life frustrated and miserable.
Lord knows I certainly don't. So I'm totally at peace with hating this. And hear me when I say I am NOT hating a person/persons. I simply hate the situation, for it makes me uncomfortable. I would give anything for resolution.
Is there a situation in your life that you are comfortable with hating? Not that I promote anger and whatnot, I just think it's occasionally okay to feel this way. And I also think there are seasons when the words "praise the Lord" don't roll off my tongue on a daily basis. That doesn't mean I don't listen to Him, I just...I just...I just don't know.
This, too, shall pass.
~Mel
1 comment:
Ewwwww..."hate" is such a strong word. I always hate using that word (haa..haa)but I do use that word and I completely understand what you are saying!!! And yes...I have a past situation that I hate and I am comfortable that I hate it. I hope someday I am able to talk about it....maybe help somebody...maybe turn some ashes into beauty and forget it....but I am NOT ready for that. I am completely comfortable with my hate.
And to comment back...me & the mister also have disagreements over perfume, LIPSTICK, sheets, hair cuts, hair color, SHOES, and now my new Elvis purse - which he HATES! Ughhh!!! It has been one of those days!
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