Once upon a time....
That IS how a fairy tale begins, right?
Well, before I dive head first into one of the most difficult posts I will possibly ever write, I want to say that fairy tales don't always have happy endings. That doesn't mean, however, that life stops. In fact, for me, I believe it's just beginning.
I never in a million bazillion catrillion years would have thought I, Melissa, would be divorced and thrown into the life of a single mom at age 31. After all, I had the PERFECT life. John and I were God-fearing individuals who had love, 3 beautiful children, 2 awesome jobs, money, a great house, 3 nice cars, and basically anything/everything that sums up the American Dream.
In a matter of 9 months, every single bit of that went up in smoke.
Who is to blame for such a tragedy? What about the children? WHY did this happen?
I still don't have answers to some of my questions, honestly. At this point, I am not sure it would really make a difference if I did.
Here it goes...
As most of you know, John is in the National Guard. He was called up to active duty for classes/training in Missouri from February until June of 2012. We were all supposed to move there, but due to financial situations beyond our control, the children and I were forced to stay behind. We kept up as any family would...phone calls, texts, Skype. Both John and I did our best to maintain a normal existence. When John returned in June, things changed. We had changed. Hearts were broken, and everything we were ever taught about a Christian marriage and life went out the window with one single word. DIVORCE.
Judge us if you will, but only if you've never sinned.
I would love to sit here and pour out my feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, pain, bitterness, and hopelessness. I would probably enjoy making John look like a fool for the odd and ridiculous choices he has made. I would also love to blame it solely on him...
...but I can't.
I'm responsible for this as well. There.
Unfortunately, I believe the military can ruin the strongest of men, the most tight knit of families. Separation leads to temptation. Anger to hatred. Temptation to blindness. Blindness to endings...
Only 2 weeks after being home from Missouri, John filed for divorce. Everything was final in September. I was left with an empty house on the days the children were with him. I found myself laying on the floor in the dark, alone, kicking and screaming like a 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum. I wanted my life back and NOW. My job became more stressful, I dreaded being in public, and I feared what everyone around me thought and said.
ALONE. UNWANTED. SCARED.
No fairy tale ending here.
(continued in Part 2)
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