There's An App For That?!?

So yes, it's been a while since I last blogged. I've been wishing I had more time to do so, but you all know how crazy life can get, right?
For my birthday, my parents and brother so kindly bought me an iPod touch. It's fantastic! I feel like I have a mini computer in the palm of my hand. Not only can I Facebook and Twitter, I have a ton of fun/way cool apps. There is everything from fitness to food, games to weather, lots of crazy sound effects (light sabers!), a piano, a violin tuner....you name it and there's an app for it.
Get this: there's even a BLOGGER app. In fact, that's how I'm writing this post right now!! Cool, huh!

~Mel

Word

I have been told recently that I haven't posted a word on my blog in about a week.

Well here you go.

WORD.

:)

~Mel

I Certainly Don't Feel It

Today is the day. I'm officially the big TWO NINE.

I don't feel it, though. I feel more like 35. Why is that? Maybe because I have an 11 year old and have been married for almost 12 years?!? Probably.

As I've gotten older, birthdays have become nothing more than just another day. Hmmm...

I'm gonna enjoy it while I can. What other day allows me to be or do whatever I dang well please and eat a TON of cake without guilt?

Oh. And it's Cinco De Mayo. Woot woot for a holiday for a birthday!

~Mel

His Name Is Eli

Today was very special! I got my first cousin on my mom's side. YAY!

Yes, tomorrow I will be 29. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure. :)

My aunt and uncle welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world this afternoon. His name is Eli James. He weighed 5lbs, 6oz and was 17 in long. He's adorable!! I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know my uncle's 2 other children, A and S, whom have become wonderful playmates for my 3 C's. We don't get to see them as often as we'd like, but they have fun when they are all together. Now with Eli in the picture, I'm sure it will be grand! Caroline will have a sweet baby to fuss over, and I can't think of anything else she'd rather have.

See---isn't he a cutey patootey?!? :)
Congrats to my aunt and her fam. I can't wait to get my chance to snuggle him to pieces!

~Mel

Number 9

On Thursday, April 22nd, I got my 9th tattoo.

If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I'd be the type to be covered (or at least have MANY) tattoos, I would have said a big NO. I liked the idea of tats, loved looking at other peoples', but never did it cross my mind that I'd be the kind to crave them.

And just so you know, it DOES become a craving. Usually I already have another one in mind just days after getting one.

Tattoo parlors are not churches, that's for darn sure. There's always an element of "weirdness" to them. The images that pass through those doors are not for the faint at heart. In fact, there have been times when I've had to stare at the checkered tile on the floor to avoid seeing the profane images projected around me.
But that has never stopped me from seeking out a professional, well groomed, easygoing, wonderful tattoo artist. They have a job to do, and the ones I've worked with do it with panache. Impressive individuals, they are.

I believe each of my tattoos represents a time in my life:

1. The butterfly on my right shoulder blade--it's oh so tiny. It was my first, and I was 18. It marked a transition from childhood into adulthood. The pain was almost unbearable at the time, and it took 10 minutes.

2. The Playboy bunny on my lower back--I got it for my 21st birthday. There was something punkish about me then, and I was trying so hard to fit in and be "cool" that I made a BAD choice in tattoos. It was later regretted.

3. The large tribal design with a rose in the middle--this was the coverup for the Playboy bunny. Although I knew it would hurt like crazy, it was a must. I had to hide the bunny that had bothered me for years. Now since the 2 tats have become 1, I love them all the more.

4. The cross with wings on my upper back between my shoulder blades--this was done in a time of great joy. I was over-the-top in love with my Savior, and having some sort of Christian design was something I had always wanted. It is very lovely and one of my favorites.

5. My wedding ring--John and I had these tattooed on for our 10th wedding anniversary. That makes them amazingly special right there, not to mention convenient when I forget my real ring at home.

6. My violin/violin player with the verse Isaiah 38:20 on top of my left foot--Since I have played violin for over 20 years, this seemed only appropriate. The verse says, "The LORD will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the LORD." Fitting, no?

7. The 13 stars running down the back of my neck--these represented the 13 miles I ran to complete a 1/2 marathon in September of 2009. Not only that, the number 13 is special to me and my dad, so it's sort of a shout out to him as well. :)

8. The shamrock on my right wrist--John and I both got these in Belfast, Ireland. Who else can say they've been tattooed in another country? And it's just one more way he and I are eternally connected.

9. That brings us to the newest edition--the sparrow with cherry blossoms. I got this tattoo for many a reason, but I'll make it short and sweet. I drew my inspiration from Matthew 10:28-31, which reads, "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." See what I mean? That isn't the only meaning for the sparrow, but it's definitely #1. And as for the cherry blossoms, they are a symbol of femininity, and I think they are amazing and delicate.

Many will not understand the whole need to tattoo one's body. That's okay. I accept responsibility for what I do to my flesh.
Tattoos are becoming more and more accepted in today's world. That's not the reason I get them, but it certainly doesn't hurt my cause. :)

I will close this somewhat random post with a few quotes I found that seem to say exactly what I want to say, only better....

~Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate? -- Author Unknown

~My body is a journal in a way. It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your

life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist. ---- Johnny Depp

~Show me a man with a tattoo and I'll show you a man with an interesting past. Jack London - 1883

~"It's only his outside; a man can be honest in any sort of skin."-Herman Melville-- Moby-Dick

~The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos. -- Author Unknown



~Mel

I'm Calm

To say that I've felt tumultuous lately is a huge understatement. I've decided not to swing to one extreme or the other in how I share my life in this blog. I used to be fairly guarded--only writing about my family's activities or my sweet children. Then, for a while, I decided to be super over-the-top and blab every blasted thing that went through my brain. Not such a wise idea either.

I am a real person. I have mood swings, emotional highs/lows, and drama deluxe. I can't and won't apologize for any of that. If anything I share on here can give someone something to relate to, then I feel satisfied.

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Baby dolls covered every square inch of my bedroom at times (well, babies, barbies, and ponies). As for dreaming big and wanting to become a doctor, lawyer, vet, or anything like that, I never did.
Getting pregnant at the age of 17, and then marrying my darling husband right away didn't fit into my plans at all. In fact, I was dead set on doing something with my athletic side--playing basketball somewhere and exploring the world.

I never got that chance.

I'm not saying here that I blame anyone but myself for the choices I made. In fact, I thank God literally every day for Caitlin. She's an amazing, wonderful, loving child. I couldn't see my life without her now. I wouldn't want to be without her. I decided that since I had already been thrown in to the "mom role," I clearly needed to continue bearing children until John and I decided enough was enough.

For the record, I would have had 4. :)

Anyway, my only identities were wife to John and mom to the 3 C's. While that's all great and wonderful, I have known I was made for more. Delving into personal training has really awakened the once dead spirit within me. Not the spirit or soul we speak of in Christianity, but the spirit---the light---the part of me that glows. I came alive in this world, and that's something I had craved for a very long time.

The way I went about presenting myself and my new found "light" was not exactly what I had planned out beforehand.

It just happened.

Thus, I was left with a struggling marriage and an unhappy life. I began to act out and rebel against everything possible.

*I accept that I'm a rebel by nature, but that can be used wisely*

My heart was fragmented. My entire being was tired.

I was hurting.

In response to the pain, I became boisterous. Loud. Ornery.

I'm here today to say I'm now calm. Cool. Collected.

My thoughts may still be random, my being worn down. Drama may raise its ugly head from time to time, but it no longer controls me. I'm unafraid to be who I was created to be.

I'm calm.

~Mel

Technology

There are days I don't want to get out of bed when the alarm demands that I do so. It's incessant beeping makes me shutter at 6:15am. A lot of times I throw things at it. Doesn't seem to phase it much, for it's on a mission. MUST MAKE MELISSA GET UP.

Humbug to technology, time, and schedules.

I remember the days when computers were...well...hard to use. They were huge, bulky, slow, and black/white. There was no Internet, no chatting, no email. Life was more simple.
These days, I sometimes feel like a slave to my computer. There is always someone to communicate with, and if phones, face-to-face interactions, or even pigeons aren't available, then one must resort to the computer. And mine fits on my lap. How ridiculous is that?!?

Absurd. That's what it is.

Speaking of phones (well, I did mention them just now, and this is my blog so I can change subjects on a whim), I would love to flush mine right down the toilet sometimes. There are days I sit at my bar in the kitchen and think, "I swear, if that phone beeps, rings, dings, vibrates, or so much as MOVES one...more...time..."
It's great to stay connected, but there comes a point where it's all just hooey. Junk. Meaningless irritations.

Boo to technology!

Naw, I'm not totally anti-technology. Just sometimes.

I'd like some peace and quiet. I'd like to be able to read a good book without interruption (but with 3 children, will that really EVER happen?!?). I want to know that the world can continue to turn even if I miss a call, text, or email. And if, by chance, I oversleep...everything will keep on keepin' on.
Alas, I know technology has its place. After all, how could I vent like this to a large group of people?!?
*deep sigh*

Yes, technology is good. I do believe, though, that it must be taken in doses. If I forget my phone in the car, refuse to Facebook for an evening (gasp! I know, I about died typing that--LOL), or even sleep through 3 snooze button pushings, all will be fine. JUST. FINE.

And I might even be able to enjoy that good book I've been dying to read. Or I could get a Kindle and....no, I didn't go there.
Peace out.

~Mel

Revamp

So I'm going to need to change a few things on this blog soon. I'm just not pleased with it.

Not the layout, just...things.

For instance, I'm going to take a poll. How many of you ACTUALLY use the links to the side to get to others' blogs from mine? If you use them at all, could you please comment and let me know how many and/or which ones? Thanks. Much appreciated.

I like the pics of my precious fam, but those may be going too. I dunno yet. I'll have to think about that one.

And I won't be doing anymore "advertising" either. If you want goat milk soap, you had better go to the link provided NOW and get some. Otherwise, you're gonna be S.O.L. Same goes for MckMama's blog and Kelly's blog.

Ok, be watching for the changes. It's a good thing, I promise.

~Mel

Certified

That's right!! After MANY long months of classes, studying, preparing, and panicking, I FINALLY PASSED the NSCA Certified Personal Trainer exam!! Seriously, folks, it's a huge weight off my shoulders. I have always had severe test anxiety, and with something this big either you get over it and do well or you never get certified. In the world of ME, this is the biggest thing to happen since giving birth.
I am now certified to train anywhere I want. For the time being, I'll stick with Carter Fitness Center and keep all other options open.
Yay for new beginnings and fun times ahead!

~Mel

Am I That Random?

Well, yes I am in fact.

Very...very...random.

This Panhandle wind is insane!! For the past 2 days, I've feared my 2nd story was going to end up in Oz. When things crackle, creak, moan, groan, and sway, that's never a good thing. I am loving the Spring weather, though. There's something awesome and amazing about thunderstorms, and I'm sure we'll see our fair share of them in the next few weeks/months. I noticed I have flowers coming up in my beds out front. Super!

My job is going great! I am enjoying meeting new people, handling things in an office-like environment again (similar to what I did at the dental office when I lived in Ft. Worth), and earning a few extra bucks for when John and I feel like splurging. Not having worked in over 6 years, I have been fairly exhausted when I get home in the evenings. One night a week I actually close the facility by myself--that's been interesting to say the least. I am fortunate enough to get to start my personal training career at Carter Fitness Center beginning in late May. I will be building my client base and trying new things, so we'll see how that goes.

John is in Phase O (zero) of OCS (Officer Candidate School) for the National Guard. He will be traveling to Austin one weekend a month until June, and then he'll spend 2 weeks in Salina, Kansas where he will actually begin OCS. At that point, it's considered Phase 1. He will continue the one weekend a month drill for about a year and a half. Then, it's on to where the good Lord takes us. He's looking at being a PA and going to school for that (on the National Guard's dime, of course) in the DFW area. Hmmmm....

John and I are in the planning stages for something exciting! Can't really reveal the details now, but I just had to share that tidbit. The anticipation of fulfilling a dream of ours is killing me! :)

Caitlin has the pleasure (and I say that with as much sarcasm as possible) of taking the TAKS test next week. That poor girl--they have drilled her to pieces. I'm certain she will do well. It's just super frustrating to us parents when our babies are stressed out to the max over a stupid test. Bleh. She is growing up so quickly. Nothing like having a full-blown preteen in the house!
See what I mean? Getting too big:Christian LOVES school. He's been doing so well! He's probably the most anal child I've ever met, so the school environment is right up his alley. He's such a little man--much more easygoing than his two dramatic sisters! Here is a pic of a cute cowboy he made for us:Now on to Caroline....my precious and ornery 3 year old. She is such a spit-fire! John and I find ourselves busting up on a regular basis at the things that come out of her mouth. Half of it probably wouldn't be as funny to everyone else around us, but believe me we are totally entertained! She is still in MDO and loving every minute of it. She is all things girly and frilly, which is totally good with me. A funny thing she did today---she apparently got a hold of markers and decided to draw some "tattoos" on her arm. I had to laugh. After all, she CALLED them her tattoos and didn't want me to remove them. John's response was, "Great. She's already wanting a full sleeve at the age of 3." Haha!! Yes! See for yourself:
And that's all I have for now. More randomness later. Peace out.

~Mel

I Have Nothing To Blog About

Life is what it is right now.

There is nothing amazing, outstanding, or special to blog about.

Sorry to be a disappointment there.

Of course, my 3 beautiful children do things on a daily basis that I would love to share with all of you, but then again that might take more effort than what I'm willing to put forth right now. They are all still very adorable and special though.

I got a job. It's fun, it pays okay, and I get time to just be me for a bit--only 3 days a week. That satisfies me for now.

My marriage has been a complete roller coaster ride for months now. I think we are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. As rocky as these roads have been, one thing is certain: I have an amazing husband who deeply loves me. That's all that really matters, after all.

My High Plains (www.myhighplains.com) is hosting a contest called Show Us Your Ink. It's a contest for those of us "special" people who have tattoos. I think I'll enter. It's hard to pick just one to show though. Hmmmm....

~Mel

Luck and Fate

My son asked me today if I believed in luck. He's such a sweet, innocent 6 year old with huge questions.
--Then again, he asked me about how tattoos are applied--if they involve ink and needles. Clearly he's the curious type.--

My answer? Well, yes and no. I don't really like the word "luck." Before I got off my religious high-horse, I made it a VERY big point to use the word "blessed" instead. I used to tell myself, "Melissa, there is no such thing as luck, only blessings. If I say I'm lucky, I'm wrong."
I think where I totally went wrong was in the whole concept of luck. It's just an English word describing something that happens to some of us without any other good explanation.
Do I believe that a simple 4 leaf clover is lucky? Not really. It's just a plant, after all. I certainly don't make important life decisions based upon the number of leaves in my clovers. I do think that it's okay to believe in luck. After all, who am I to pop someone's bubble?
Luck or blessings...whatever you call it...have a definite place in this universe. There is one point we cannot argue:
THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE THAT CANNOT BE EXPLAINED BY SIMPLE EXPLANATIONS.
Did that make sense?
It's kind of like saying, "I have tried so long not to conform that I'm actually conforming to nonconformation."
Whew! Lots of thinking there! :)

Another word I don't really like to say but like the concept of is fate. Yes, I definitely believe that "fate" plays a role in this crazy life. I have had conversations, interactions, meetings, and whatnot that were beyond my control, not really of my world, and totally life changing. Fate may be the best English word to describe these occurances, but I'm sure the concept is not totally caught.

Fate.

Luck.

Luck.

Fate.

All just words. Not good depictions of the concepts.

I just had to throw that out there for discussion. What are your opinions?

~Mel

St. Patty's Day--Grandpa's Day

St. Patrick's Day used to be nothing more to me than a fun "green day." I embrace my Irish roots and totally wear green when necessary to avoid being pinched. It has also been fun to find cute t-shirts, dresses, and handmade hairbows to decorate my 3 lovely C's for the day. They can be so darling!

4 years ago, St. Patrick's Day took on a whole new meaning. It was the day my grandpa went Home.

My grandma and grandpa Duke have been extremely influential and important in my life. After all, they were really the only grandparents I ever knew. My dad's folks passed away when I was very young. Having my mom's parents live so close the majority of my life made for great memories. My brother and I, being the only grandchildren for so long (until May of this year when we get our first cousin!!!) had an amazing childhood filled with ice cream in the living room, golf cart rides around the neighboorhood, cheers from the stands at basketball games, and much more.

I haven't truly healed from my grandpa's passing. There are days that the sadness overwhelms me. He passed just days after Christian turned 2, and he never got to meet Caroline. As much as he loved on me and my brother, he loved on my children that much more.
Watching Parkinson's Disease take his body and mind was so hard. I do know he is now without pain and in a new body, but it still hurts to think about his last years on this earth.

Wearing green no longer seems to be a big deal to me on St. Patty's Day. Instead, I prefer to bask in the memories of my grandpa. I know he would be proud to see how the 3 C's have grown, what they've accomplished, and how adorable they are.

I can still hear him saying, "Hey MelissaBeth!" That's how he greeted me, and he was and is the only person to ever call me that. I hope I can keep that sweet memory tucked away forever--so I never lose the sound of his voice.

~Mel

Houston, we have a problem...

And that problem is TRAFFIC.

Holy night, have any of you experienced the wonderfulness (that's a word, right?) of Houston traffic?!? It's basically a parking lot at times. Amazing.
Living in Amarillo, I forget the small things like being able to drive from one end to the other of the city in about 25 minutes. In Houston, it takes roughly an hour and a half to get 12 miles. Sheesh!

I speak of Houston because that is where I am! Thanks to an overly kind mom and grandma, I got to make the trip here with them for my aunt's baby shower. Yes, my sweet aunt, Jamie, is preggers with her 1st baby--a boy--due in May. Her shower was thrown by her hubby's family here in Houston, so we thought it only appropriate (and of course fun!) to head down here and join in the celebration. Baby Boy has no name yet...hints the use of the reference to Baby Boy. Duh.
Anywho, we are having a fabulous time. My bro, Josh, still lives here, so we are camped out at his casa for a few days. Nothing like blow up beds and crazy night time talks to make for an exciting weekend.
We've already been to the shower, Urban Outfitters, Starbucks, Target, and Wal-Mart. I think our trip is fairly complete. :0)
I have really enjoyed this time of just being with this group of family members. I do, however, totally miss my sweet husband and babies back home! I know they are having fun, but I rarely ever get out and about without at least one little body with me. John is such a good daddy. I'm so blessed to have him in my life!
Tomorrow, we will visit with Jamie and her fam one more time before leaving on a jet plane back to A Town. I've loved the quick trip--had some great sleep, and I'll be ready to take on the next week of Spring Break. Super busy times to come!

~Mel

Coming Alive--Continued

So here I was--enrolled in a night class for personal training. Actually, I was very nervous. John and I have worked out together since I was 16, so theoretically I knew a thing or two. Right?!?

The class was a TON of fun! It all just....clicked. My brain could totally wrap around all of the info given, I asked questions (not something I do in classes--too shy usually), participated in ALL of the activities, had an inspiring and amazing client for 9 weeks, and just loved every second of it all. I can't say I've felt that way about any other subject or area of work.

Finally, I had found something that MADE SENSE and brought me joy. I love helping others, especially other women. Feeling good about your body is priceless, and unfortunately it's hard to come by these days. Too much media input has left women feeling depressed, unworthy, and completely unattractive.

So sad.

Anywho, it all began making sense. I could be a personal trainer, make my own hours, and still be a "stay at home mom." Perfect!

I had a friend ask me one time if there was anything in my life--besides my husband and children--that made me "come alive." At the time, the answer was a big NO. I felt like I was just blowing through each day, filling it with chores and whatnot, just so I would somehow feel important or needed.
In other words, I had a serious acceptance issue. I began to become extremely needy and rely on everyone around me to provide me with my own self worth. Bad idea.

Personal training, nutrition, health---they ALL make me come alive! I'm excited about my future and career. I can't wait to work with clients, gain new friendships, and make a difference in someone else's life. I want to see others come alive when they discover their inner strength, their hidden power, and their amazing bodies. Everyone deserves that. Everyone!

So if it seems as though I'm obsessed with fitness, the gym, kettlebells, all things nutrition-related, and health, I AM! It makes me come alive.

Have YOU found what makes you come alive?!? I certainly hope so.

I found this quote yesterday, and it pretty much sums up what I've been feeling lately after working with several female clients (and just from the pure fact that I deal with this myself!). Just thought I'd share:

“For women...bras, panties, bathing suits, and other stereotypical gear are visual reminders of a commercial, idealized feminine image that our real and diverse female bodies can't possibly fit. Without these visual references, each individual woman's body demands to be accepted on its own terms. We stop being comparatives. We begin to be unique.” ~Gloria Steinem

~Mel

Making My Mark And Coming Alive

I've struggled for over 10 years now with the whole idea of what I want to be when I grow up.

First, I tried being a Psychology major. That didn't quite float my boat. Too much reading.

Then, I tried Dental Hygiene. While that is a good one, it wasn't my idea of fun--picking teeth for the rest of my life.

Next, I majored in Respiratory Therapy. I did enjoy this one, but after being put on complete bedrest in the middle of the 2 year program, I had a lot of time to think. I decided sucking gunk out of patients' throats and noses forever didn't sound completely pleasing.

I thought I had totally figured it out when I decided to pursue being a cop. Yes, that sounded like my cup of tea. I could be a bad ass, help others, and be exposed to more of what the world was all about. After all, my dad was a cop, and what daughter doesn't at some point think what their daddy does is the BEST?!? So I had my heart set on the whole cop thing. I waltzed up in to APD, asked for an application to their academy, and was TURNED DOWN. Apparently, APD is having some budgeting issues. They were shutting down their academy until further notice.

NOOOOOO!!!! For the love of all that's sacred! WHY?!?

I can't deny that I was highly ticked at this. After all, they were messing with someone's future plans. Didn't they realize that?

I was forced to deal with this frustration within myself. And believe me, it didn't go well. I was so mad for so long. I just wanted to have a career...be something of importance to this world...

**Don't misunderstand something here. I love being a stay at home mom. I do, however, realize my children will not be small forever. Having 2 of them already in school and one only 2 years away from it, I just wanted to have a career in the works so I can keep myself busy when the house is empty during the day--you know, further down the road. Not that I feel the need to explain myself to you blog readers. I'm just sayin'.**

Ok, so I whined, cried, pitched a hissy fit, and basically gave up when the "cop door" was slammed shut. What now? Would I ever find anything that made me happy? Would I be able to some day leave my mark on this world?

So many questions, no answers.

I spent a lot of time just looking within myself. Amidst all of this, I was still dealing with John being gone and the fears/hurts within that situation. I was honestly afraid I would never get out of this hole.
Then---it came to me. Literally.

One day I received the Amarillo College Continuing Education catalog in the mail. I love those things. That's where I find classes to sign the kids up for during the semester (like ballet, gymnastics, etc.). For some strange reason, I decided to look in the back section--where the adult continuing ed classes are. I happened upon the Personal Trainer course. It was a semester long, on Tuesday nights, and I knew my mom could help with the kids while I attended classes. Something within me jumped--like butterflies in the tummy from excitement.

It had come to me!

I was coming alive.

To be continued...

~Mel

Lots and Lots of Ever-So-Random Information

I apologize for seeming like I'm on some sort of a negative kick lately...here and there....

Wait.

No, I don't.

*ahem*

Things around here have been very different. Not BAD different, just different. I remember the days when my life consisted of waking up, getting kids ready for school, sitting around with the smallest C, cleaning house, washing clothes/dishes, picking up kids from school, going to the gym, then cooking dinner and just chillin' out all evening. Now, I rarely seem to have time to do ANY of the above.
Except the gym. And the whole "getting kids ready for and picked up from school" thing. But that's a given.
Anywho, it feels like I'm being pulled in about 10 directions at once. I love being busy, but I also enjoy just lounging in my pj's with no makeup.
The internship thing went really BAD for a while, but now it has turned a corner and I'm excited about it again. Without going in to all of the painful details, the trainers at Gold's were less than helpful when it came to scheduling times to shadow them for my 40 hours of required internship. After a call to my most helpful professor, I've swung a deal with him where I can get my hours in at AC's Carter Fitness Center. I will be working with the students who are currently in the personal training course---it's sort of a help and be helped kind of thing. Any way you say it, I'm super excited! The remaining 36 hours I need will hopefully go by fast.

Recently, we had to meet with Caitlin's teachers at school, mainly her Math teacher regarding her recently plummeting grades. Poor, sweet Caitlin--she has struggled with math since last year when she transitioned from private to public school. The TAKS test isn't making her life any easier in this area, and she seems to be constantly daydreaming or not focusing on her tasks. Her teacher felt it necessary to address some issues beyond just academics, so we have an appointment with her pediatrician next week. Basically, they want to evaluate her for ADD Non-Hyper. She is such a passive, easygoing child. The concern here is that she is not fully grasping things at school and at home. She lives "in a fog" on a daily basis, and that is something we do NOT want for her. Simply having her evaluated is the best plan. That way we can either confirm or rule out a problem. Being honest about this situation is not easy for me. No parent wants to believe that their child isn't functioning at 100%. There has always been something different about Cait, but John and I assumed it was simply her personality. After much discussion with a diagnostician and her teacher, we've come to the realization that we may (or may not) be facing something bigger than just a personality trait. The fact that she was born at 33 1/2 weeks gestation apparently plays in to what we have been dealing with. All of that said, I'm both looking forward to and apprehensive about next week's appointment.

John has been very busy lately, not just with the fire department and the National Guard, but also with possibly looking in to other job opportunities. He recently tested for a position with the FBI. He's not really certain if that's where he wants to go with his life, but he's willing to continue with the testing process and see where it takes him. I couldn't be more proud. If all goes as planned, he will be starting OCS (Officer Candidacy School) for the National Guard in a few months. That's an 18 month long course, one weekend a month and 2 weeks out of the summer--all in Austin, TX. Basically, he will fly back and forth. I might occasionally take the trip with him, if I can swing it. :)

~Mel

I'm Just Gonna Throw This Out There

Please pardon the interruption of my Ireland postings (ok, well there was really just 1...but you understand, don't you?), but I had a stream of thought that just won't go away.

Life lately has been "interesting."

The way I thought things would go hasn't been the way they've gone at all. What's up with that?!? I need to know.

Anywho...

John and I were having a serious conversation in the front seat of our car on the way home from Dallas/Ft. Worth this weekend. We discussed a broad spectrum of things--work, lack of work, goals for each of us, religion, etc. It was thoroughly entertaining and maddening all at the same time.
I was able to fully express my opinions, and so was he. It has, however, had me truly thinking.
Being a Christian...what in the heck is it really? Is it all about being better than sinners? Should we have to dress a certain way and go to a certain building on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, etc? Should the "potty mouths" we all deal with make us feel shame if ever used? Should drinking a beer or anything alcoholic for that matter out in public make us worry about getting caught doing so? Are there really THAT many rules?
I know I cannot speak for John here, but I've been struggling with the whole "God thing" for quite a while. Circumstances in our marriage, my life, and life in general have flipped my religious views and concepts completely upside down. No longer do I want to hide my gossiping behind prayer requests and the taking thereof. No longer do I want to live one way and put on a good act for the Christian friends I have.
It's absurd. And it's tiring. And I'm DONE.
I love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, strength, mind, etc. In fact, I know where I would be if I didn't have Him on my side. He truly picked me up from the worst possible point in my existence and walked me back into the light. I have every reason to praise Him, love Him, and worship Him.
I will NOT, however, continue on and pretend to be a goody-goody (if any of you ever really believed that's what I was doing, anyway).
Yes, I'll watch my language. No, I won't feel shame if something comes out that wasn't 100% good.
Yes, I will raise my children to love, honor, respect, and follow Him. No, I will not shove religion down their throats.
Yes, I will watch my actions and words toward others. No, I will not continue to say just what I think everyone wants to hear or do what everyone expects of me at all times.

**And just for a side note, if I want to wear torn jeans, a crazy tattoo-promoting shirt, and a little extra makeup to church, I'm going to DO IT. Please don't get me started on tattoos, piercings, and dyed hair. It won't bode well for you. End of story.**

There are those in this world that view rebellion as a bad thing. Nope. I believe it can be a good thing sometimes. I'm choosing not to follow along. Instead, I want to find a different path--the right path for me--and go for it.

Like it or not, love it or not, God died for ALL of us. And I tend to think I make him smile more than I piss Him off. Yup, I said PISS on my blog. No apologies.

I ask myself now just one simple question: "What have I done TODAY for my God?"
That's enough to keep me going, keep my mind on the right track, and help me conquer.
And I'll do it with a smile.

~Mel

Ireland Vacation Series--Day 1 & 2

I've decided to write a day-by-day description of what happened on our recent vacation to Ireland. This is purely meant as documentation for my family, but I would be more than happy for all of you who read my blog to follow along. I don't want to forget the fun, excitement, and pure beauty of that country. Here it goes:

Day 1--February 6th, 2010

John and I were dropped off at the airport by my dad, and we began our journey at 9:25am with a flight to Dallas/Ft. Worth. After a 2 hour layover there, we continued our flight and landed in Chicago, IL around 3pm. The special Irish airline, Aer Lingus, departed Chicago around 6:30pm our time. The flight was pretty uneventful. We did get to watch movies and play Sudoku puzzles on our own personal televisions built in to the headrests in front of us. Sleep was a no-go. Everything was too new and exciting! :)

Day 2--February 7, 2010

We arrived in Dublin, Ireland around 10am (their time, which is 6 hours ahead of CST). To say that John and I were exhausted from no sleep was an understatement. We made our way through customs and out to the car rental spot with no trouble. We ended up with a Fiat Punto (it was black and oh so TINY) as our car. It was a standard as well, so clearly John had to do all of the driving. I'm terrible with standards!
John had to learn to drive on the left side of the road while sitting on the right side of the car. Adding the standard transmission in to that mess was hysterical. He did so well though. I was the official navigator with just the map from the car rental joint as my only clue as to where in the world (or Ireland) we were going. Dublin is the capital, and it's in the Republic. I was amazed at the scenery. Everything was SO GREEN. The cars there are super tiny, and the streets are all narrow and very winding. We were able to make it to the hotel without getting lost too many times. Their road signs are ridiculous--either terribly hard to read or nonexistent. We stayed in the Ritz Carlton Powerscourt, which was the most amazing and beautiful hotel I have ever seen. We were spoiled rotten--there was even a flat panel television built in to the bathroom mirror so I could watch my shows while I bathed at night. Heehee
After checking in, dumping our luggage in the middle of the room, taking pics of our surroundings, and removing our shoes, we passed out in the gigantic, comfy king sized bed.

Seriously, we basically slept the entire 1st day away. We woke up some time around 8pm that night...starving. Not having changed our dollars into euros yet, we were forced to order room service. I got a delicious pizza, and John ordered an Irish burger. Both were super yummy, but definitely NOT worth the price we had to pay for the stupid room service. Alas, our bellies were full, and we passed out again. The next thing I knew, it was around 10am Monday morning.

To be continued...

~Mel

No Lesson Learned Here

I have this darling 3 year old. She's pretty much the cutest thing ever. I happen to see a TON of myself in her on a daily basis, and that can be both really good and really bad.
The bad?

She's amazingly determined.

This determination crossed a new line recently, and it involves a small hairy animal with claws.

*deep sigh*

I have no picture to go with this post, simply because I don't think I could actually post one of the carnage. Caroline will not...I repeat...WILL NOT leave our precious kitten alone. She's on the "Gary agenda" every morning by 6:30am and doesn't stop until she goes to bed around 8pm.

Seriously, folks.
It's THAT bad.

Her poor face, arms, hands, and stomach look like she got in a fight with a weed whacker. And what does she have to say about this?

She came in to the kitchen yesterday with blood dripping down her face--scratches at least 3 inches long across her little cheek--and she deep sighs and says, "Momma, Gary scratched me again. I promise I put him down when he said 'meow'."

GOOD GRIEF.

You'd think my dear small child would get the picture. You pick up the cat, carry him around like a baby doll, and he's bound to let you know how displeased he is. EVERY TIME, Caroline. It's gonna happen every single time. Promise.

Our theory has been to let her get scratched a time or two. That will teach her.
Nope.
No lesson learned here.
In fact, she never cries and seems to care less what Gary does to her. She's just happy that he will wear her dolly clothes for .5 seconds.

Suggestions?!?

Ugggggg.

~Mel

In and Out

This just IN:
My sweet little 5 year old boy lost his first tooth yesterday!!!! I seriously can't believe he's old enough for that. He was so proud--the teacher put it in a little tooth keeper that he wore around his neck all day. Yes, he pulled it HIMSELF at school! I will post pics soon of that cutey pie missing tooth grin when I can.

And very shortly, the Haskell parental units will be officially OUT of the country! Ireland, here we come! It's been a great and fun experience traveling in a pair instead of having tag-a-longs, even though we miss the 3 C's tremendously already. We will be downloading pics to the blog as well as to Facebook as much as possible.
Until then...

~Mel

What I SHOULD Be Doing...

...is finishing up those lists. The packing list. The technology list. The book list.

You get the drift.

Instead, I was driving home tonight forming a blog entry in my mind with absolutely no thought of the fact that we are LEAVING FOR IRELAND in roughly 2 days and nothing is packed, organized, or even the slightest bit ready.

Wait. That's a lie. I bought the last bit of necessities at Wal-Mart today. And I "might" have purchased a new navy colored pea coat and awesome green leather purse.

*ahem*

What were we talking about? Ahhhhh, yes...my formation of a blog entry in my brain.

Wait.
Yup, I was afraid of that.
The entire blog entry that I worked on in the car is now gone. It made sense at the time, but now it doesn't even seem to apply. I was going to ramble on and on about my feelings on touchy subjects in life, but it passed.
Just. Like. That.
Gone.

What is REALLY important? Family? Friends? Church? Necessities? Technology?
This is something I ask myself on a daily basis. I don't always have the right answer, and I am fairly certain I never will.

This next week will be spent finding out what really is important to me. I will be alone with my darling other half with no small children around. We will have hours and hours and hours to converse uninterrupted. There will be no television watching or cell phone talking. We will be taking the computer to Skype with the kids and possibly throw some stuff up on Facebook, but that's it. Our time will be spent soaking each other up and enjoying the amazing country around us that we may never see again.

I'm beyond thrilled.

We've needed this.

~Mel

A Case Of The Don't Wannas

I'm in a blogging slump again, and it's only been a month since I've been back to it.

Gosh, I don't even know what that says about me.

John and I leave in 3 days for Ireland. I'm driving myself crazy trying to remember everything. Must make a list of the lists I need to make so I can remember to remember everything on the darn lists. Uggggg.

Here is our beautiful new kitten, Gary. He's a fiesty little number. His favorite game is catching our feet when we walk by from underneath our beds. He seems to be underneath every bed at one time--odd.

I have a UTI. If any of you ladies know how this feels, then you can totally sympathize with how I'm feeling right about now. It was so bad that I had to make a Wal-Mart run at 12:30am in my all naturale state. Supurb. At least it happened BEFORE we left the country and I can go see the doc and get meds this morning. Still...

This weather is driving me batty! I love the fact that we have 2 SUV's and can get around, but this snow is rediculous. Apparently we are supposed to get more tonight/tomorrow. Joy.

I still haven't been able to start my internship at Gold's. The man in charge seems to take his precious time calling me back and setting up the times when I can go shadow other trainers. I'll just keep on keepin' on until he figures his end of the schedule out. And I'll continue to swing the kettlebells and do power cleans while I wait.

John and I have a fun little ditty coming up in May called Warrior Dash. More on that at a later date. Just know it involves running a 6K with obstacles along with way. Dangerous obstacles. But you end up with a medal and a take-home helmet. I know, we're weird.

I got 5 loads of laundry finished, the dishes unloaded, my ipod updated, my hair washed/straightened, and all of the toys picked up during the time I was SUPPOSED to be watching the LOST final season premiere last night. We got a DVR just for this occasion, so I figured I could do housework and then sit and watch it at my leisure. I started the recording, but later realized I had actually recorded the first hour, which is background info and stuff I didn't need to see. The premiere was on after that, and I missed it. Totally, 100% missed it--recording and all. I can't tell you how much that ruffles my feathers. I came unraveled like a cheap pair of pantyhose. Good thing no one was around to witness the meltdown. Yes, LOST is that important.

I don't wanna get up and do anything today. The bed is calling my name. It's going to be good napping weather---if Caroline participates, that is.

~Mel

A Quote A Day

Sometimes I live my life by quotes. Do you do this? I am sure it's weird to think that someone else can say exactly what I feel, but whatever. So, I'm going to share with you the "Quote of the Day" from every day last week. It spells my week out without me really having to take the time to do so. Can you guess what I did each day? :) Here we go!

MONDAY: "If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers." ~Edgar W. Howe

TUESDAY: "When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." ~Elayne Boosler

WEDNESDAY: "Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like." ~Author Unknown

THURSDAY: "How doth the little busy bee
Improve each shining hour,
And gather honey all the day
From every opening flower!"
~Isaac Watts, "Divine Songs

FRIDAY: "Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday." ~Author Unknown

SATURDAY: "No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap." ~Carrie Snow

SUNDAY: "Play the music, not the instrument." ~Author Unknown

~Mel

Heavy

Today just feels....heavy.

I have no idea what to say or how to help a terribly wounded friend who lost her mom to heart problems last night--heart problems that were just being looked at and that didn't really present an immediate threat. I want to hug her, cry with her, and just be there. Too bad she is 10 hours away and that's impossible for now. I am grieving a bit too, I guess.

I have about 99,000 things to do today, none of which include taking a nap.

Our Ireland trip is quickly approaching, and the OCD in me is showing up more often than not. In other words, I'm slightly panicking and not even sure if I have everything ironed out/lined out/bought/thought about.

All of these earthquakes happening around the world have me stirred up. No, I'm not having the typical "doom and gloom" feeling, I just think it's odd that there is this much activity under the earth's surface that is, for some reason, suddenly deciding to make powerful displays in strange places.

The people of Haiti remain heavy on my heart. Putting politics and money aside, these people are poorer than poor and suffering beyond anything I can even imagine. It actually boggles my mind.

I'm thankful for those surrounding me who love on me no matter what and have no interest whatsoever in spreading my misfortunes or bad judgments around the gossip circle. I feel sorry, though, for those who are being kicked while they are down. My problems are really nothing, I'm sure.

Trying to decide which organizations and people to give money to is almost suffocating. I can't help everyone, yet I want to.

I wish I could change the world.

~Mel

Wordless Wednesday

~Mel

Tell Her I Said Hi

*deep breath*

This post is both embarrassing and funny all at the same time. In fact, when speaking about this subject, I tend to get very boisterous in my hand gestures, and the tone of my voice goes up about 10 notches.

All of that being said, I have my little story to share with you.

As I have mentioned before, on December 17, 2009, we were involved in a car accident in Houston while visiting my brother (Josh) for the weekend. We had just finished up our almost 3 hour shopping trip at IKEA (oh, IKEA, how I love you so!), and the back end of my brand new Honda was packed with boxes of furniture for my brother's apartment. As I have already talked about, the man that hit us was a drunk driver going about 35-40mph coming off the freeway. We were waiting at a stoplight after just coming off the freeway ourselves. He hit us without even tapping his brakes--in fact, we are most certain he had fallen asleep or passed out at the wheel. Anywho, my car sustained no major damage, and Josh's furniture was just fine. Caitlin and Caroline were in the car with me and John, and Josh had Christian in his car in front of us. The accident occurred around 10:30pm.
Literally as soon as John and I got out of the car to check on the other driver and inspect the damage, a tow truck driver appeared. He had seen the whole thing and was there to help us in any way possible. John made the call to 911, and the paramedics were on the scene within 10 minutes.
As for the cops...
They were no where to be seen for an entire HOUR.

Yes, we were all frustrated and tired. The drunk man had become belligerent, and we were STILL sitting on the road. The drunk man's car was not drivable, and we didn't dare leave the scene. We wanted him arrested. There was a gas station literally feet from us, but no one moved. We just sat there...in the company of 2 paramedics and now 7 tow truck drivers (that's a story within itself--they were very cool guys) waiting for the cops...who didn't show up for over an HOUR.
Good grief.

When a squad car finally made an appearance, I was a complete emotional wreck. I had been crying, it was after 11:30pm now, and my oldest child was panicking and crying because she wanted the drunk man to just go away. Nerves were shot to say the very least.

A female cop approached John and advised him to get both me and himself back in to our vehicle. She assumed the drunk man was going to be difficult to deal with, and she wanted us to go ahead and move our vehicle into the gas station parking lot so they could come check out the damage and write up a report. We did what she asked. Roughly 20 minutes later, she and her partner (a male cop) showed up. John and I were bent down looking at the damage to our rear bumper when she approached me. She asked that I get back in to the car and let John deal with everything--apparently I appeared to be emotionally distressed. NOT. I did what she said, though, and sat in the car.
To make a very long story short, she and I did not get along from that point on, and it was not all my fault. She was hateful, rude, and just down right ugly. She even gave me crap over the fact that I was carrying concealed in my purse. Ridiculous behavior from a professional if you ask me.

It didn't stop there--she gave me trouble yet again. She came to my door and asked for the names of all passengers in the vehicle at the time of the accident. Mind you, I had sent Caitlin home with my brother--she was an emotional wreck and couldn't keep calm enough for me to think straight. And it was after midnight at this point. Plus she was tired. Anywho, I began giving the female cop everyone's names--me, John, Caitlin, and Caroline. She stopped writing, looked up at me, and questioned me as to Caitlin's whereabouts. Apparently the female cop did not see her in the vehicle at the scene of the accident, so therefore she "informed me" that she couldn't write down a person's name whom she had not personally seen in the car.
WHAT?!?
Oh good grief!!!
She had crossed the line with me. I was tired of being nice at this point.
Unfortunately, a small cat fight ensued.
Poor John--at the very moment I was being questioned by the female cop, he was coming out of the gas station restroom. He just happened to come up on me mildly freaking out and yelling at the cop who was not shy about yelling back. Thankfully her partner had seen Caitlin in the car, and he advised her to write Caitlin's name down and just go on with the report. She didn't want to back down and admit she was wrong, but after John and her partner made it abundantly clear that she was going to have to, she did. She huffed, walked off, got in to the squad car, and didn't come out the rest of the time.
It was insane!

Fast forward to this past Friday, the 15th of January....

John and I have been working on getting the drunk man's car insurance information for an entire month now. Yes, we know there was a holiday in there, but STILL. The Houston Police Department is not, by any means, on the ball. They have jerked us around for this long, and we had finally had enough. After all, my car hasn't even been looked at by a body shop yet, and we have chiropractic bills that will need to be paid.
John made a call to HPD on Friday morning, and after about an hour on the phone and 3 transfers to different departments, we were finally informed that we would need to speak to the officer who worked the accident and wrote the report if we wanted any information (since it was a felony for the drunk man, they are still investigating it and don't have to release anything to us--grrrr).

Great. So what they wanted us to do was talk to that super irritating female cop?!?!
Not. Cool.

I made John call her, of course. He had to wait until she was on duty (after 10pm Saturday night), but he did get ahold of her.
She was extremely nice on the phone. FUNNY thing here is, she remembered us. Yes, she remembered our entire case.
Oh for the love...
She said things like, "Yeah, I remember you. You were the firefighter. Your car didn't have that much damage, right? Well, I am almost positive I gave you that guy's insurance information--are you sure your wife didn't have it? She was a little upset that night, you know."

Seriously?!? A little upset?!? Yeah, lady. You didn't help that a bit.

After a few minutes of her reflecting on the wreck, she told John that he would need to call the accident division of HPD and request that information from them. If they didn't get it to us by the 21st of this month, she would personally go look it up and give it to us.

Wow, thanks for the help. Back to square one.

So John and I went to bed that night still frustrated and irritated. We would resume the calls to HPD the next week. And of course we talked about the fact that the female cop remembered every flippin' detail of our wreck. John said, "Wow, Mel. I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed that you left that big of an impression on her." :0) Nothing like a good cat fight to get you in to someone's permanent memory bank, huh.

Around 12:30am on the 16th, we got a phone call. It was the female cop! She had gone to the records department and pulled our file. She was finally able to give us the information on this man that we had been waiting on for a solid month. I was so thankful---so thankful, in fact, that I could have given her a big hug. Ok, probably not. But I was thankful nonetheless.

John thanked her profusely for helping us. She replied, "You are totally welcome, sir. And please tell your wife I said hi."

~Mel

Yes, I Am Rambling

I am actually impressed with myself that I have blogged literally every day so far. Funny thing is, I never thought I would come back to bloggerland. Seriously. Our lives got completely crazy there for a while, and I was honestly too embarrassed and frustrated to blog.

That has changed, thank goodness.

I was finally able to get my college life straightened out today. After all, I'm 28 years old. You would think I would have at least had an inkling of what I wanted to be when I grew up, but no.
First, it was a dental hygenist. Then I moved to Respiratory Therapy. When that didn't pan out, I gravitated toward Criminal Justice. After finding out that the APD police academy is closed down until further notice (not enough money to train and hire newbys), I went with the ONLY thing that came naturally and had been a constant my entire life...I have now declared my major in Physical Education. I, for the first time EVER, am very excited about my choice. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside--I will be putting my efforts into something I enjoy.
Yay.

So after much working, tweaking, and talking, I've been given the opportunity to do an internship at Gold's Gym. After all, it IS my second home. :) It's a full semester of non-paid fun, but the payoff at the end will be great. And hopefully I can just slide right in to a job there.
Oh--and I've talked John into actually using his personal training certificate to use and apply at Gold's too. If I'm going to do this, I want him to work with me.
The NSCA (National Strength and Conditioning Association) Certified Personal Trainer exam was a KILLER. Seriously, I have never attempted something that hard in my entire life. I did the best I could--it took me 2hrs and 15mins to complete the exam--but in the end, I failed.

Yes, I failed. By just a few measly points. And I can't tell you how bad that hurts to admit.

There is good to come of this though. I can still be a personal trainer and do my internship. I will just have to retest after March 12th. This time, I'm going to Lubbock to take the computerized version so I don't have to wait 4-6wks for my results. I can get them instantly. Also, I've talked John into going with me and taking the test too! He is a WITS certified trainer, but I think we'd both be more satisfied with NSCA-CPT. The test I took has roughly a 54% pass rate, and only 2 out of 7 who took it this time passed. After saying that, I don't feel like such a loser. :( The mere fact that my instructor praised my training abilities gives me hope that I will one day have the certification I desire.

Our trip to Ireland is on the horizon! Just a few more weeks to wait. I am already semi-panicking. I seriously hope I've remembered to purchase or borrow everything we will need.

We still have no resolution on the car wreck we had in Houston on December 17th. Unfortunately, the man who hit us was arrested on a DUI (no, that's not unfortunate--just the situation is) so we can't get access to his insurance information, if he has any. Not knowing is holding up the repairs on my Honda. Waiting is a pain, but I'm at peace with it all.

~Mel

I Was Wrong

John and I have always had certain styles. He, the more rugged outdoorsy type--me, the more froo froo dressy uppy type (yes, I make up words).
During the time John was in basic training, I began exploring the world of jewelry and higher fashion. I decided that it was okay to wear a dressier shirt to places other than church. Novel idea, I know. Anywho, I bought several new articles of clothing and accessories, and when John got back, he would make comments on how he hadn't ever seen me "so dressed up."

Don't get me wrong. I totally frump out occasionally and wear sweats with a messy bun in my hair.

Anywho, I have always been the one to explore clothing and shoe options. Not that John hasn't known how, I think he just didn't really care to be cutting edge. After all, he is completely adorable any way he dresses. :)

Things have changed, my friends.
I think I was wrong--I'm no longer the cutting edge, fancy dressing individual in our household.

John lost a lot of weight (well, clearly basic training for 13 weeks will do that to a person), and since then he has been totally celebrating his new found--or new lost--body fat percentage. He can now wear things to accentuate his muscles and show off a nice physique. And who am I to be jealous?!?

Ok, I'm a tad jealous. And I CAN be. So there.

*ahem*

He has since begun picking out amazing collared shirts, rockin' ripped jeans, vintage style jackets, and even wearing his hair in a fauxhawk--all without my help!! The man now has like 7 pairs of shoes that even make me want to weep with pride. :)
Take for example our shopping outing today. We headed over to TJ Maxx to check out what's new in their neighborhood. Love that store by the way. They've totally updated the store and it looks amazing! Ok, so we spent an hour and a half wandering around with no children (thank the Lord for Mother's Day Out!), and when we met back up, I had a shirt and a pair of pants I planned on purchasing. I was trying to be frugal and not spend all of his hard earned money on yet more clothing. Let me just say there were probably 9 more items I wanted, but I restrained myself.
John had only found socks and some workout stuff. He was clearly ready to check out, because he reminded me 2 or 3 times that we had been in the store for over an hour.
Boo.
I questioned him. "Honey, did you not find a single thing in the entire mens' department that caught your eye?"
Obviously the wrong question to ask, for the response I got was, "Well, there were these couple of things. Come look and tell me what you think."

30 minutes later...

I found myself sitting in a chair near the fitting room talking on the phone to Mom and occasionally pausing to either give him a yay or nay on his clothing choices he was modeling.
I was SO WRONG. I'm now convinced he has more style in his pinky than I do in my entire body.

And yes, as I stated above, I'm jealous.

~Mel

This Many

So I think I mentioned earlier that we got a new kitten, right? His name is Gary, and he's absolutely adorable. After losing Bo almost 3 years ago, things haven't been the same around here. Yes, we tried to fill Bo's spot with a Yorkie named Basel. That didn't go completely as planned. Basel was a cutey patootey, but he was way too much work for this momma of 3. I just couldn't give him the attention he needed and deserved.

I never thought John would be up for getting another cat, but it was actually his idea this time around. Of course I took him up on it. :) All 3 of our babies are animal lovers, and naturally all 3 want to help take care of Gary.
The thing is, Caroline is what I like to call my "biggest helper." And I use that term loosely. She is slightly obsessed with Gary--whom she refers to as her baby.
Uggggg
She wants to constantly carry him around, feed him, hold him, choke him...you get the picture. Gary lives in our bathroom for the most part, simply because he's still little and we want him to get used to his litter box location and other surroundings before allowing him to run free in the house.
I've tried everything. I have even resorted to using "Mr. Sad Spoon" when she can't seem to get the message any other way. We have a discussion every single morning about this:

The cat is a BABY.
He can be hurt easily if we aren't careful.
He doesn't like being picked on.
We can't over feed him or he will puke.
The tail is not for pulling.
He doesn't need help down the stairs--he's perfectly capable of making it down on his own.
The collar he wears is not for small children to use as a means to pull him around.

Caroline seems to think that if I'm on the phone, the toilet, putting on my makeup, straightening my hair, or folding laundry then it's time to go see what Gary is up to. And she assumes it's totally okay to let him out of the bathroom. Someday I pray she gets it through her thick head that it's NOT OKAY UNLESS MOMMA SAYS SO.
This morning was no different.
We were on the Gary-letting-out-agenda by 8:30am. I think I told her no less than 6 times to come back down the stairs and leave the cat alone--for the love of all that's sacred in this world!
I had to have "the talk" again, and Mr. Sad Spoon was about to make his appearance when she casually said, "But Momma, it's okay. I'm this many (at which point she held up 3 fingers--just in case I had forgotten how old she is)."
Holy jeez.
What is the momma of an adorable but oh-so-ornery princess to do?

~Mel

Alrighty Then

Two posts in one day?!?

I know. Sorry, folks. I have a lot on my mind today, it seems.

This is a clarification post---I felt the need to re-share some things so not only can I quit thinking about them, but maybe some of you can REALLY hear my heart.

When I wrote the "Mel's Fitness 101" post, I was not in ANY form or fashion trying to push my beliefs on any of you. My blog--no apologies for what I write. Read it, take what you can use (if anything), and throw the rest away.
I will never, nor have I EVER stated that I believe any of you need to get your butts off the couch. That's just rude and uncalled for. If you heard me say that, then that's probably your inner man speaking the truth.

*ahem*

I have definitely become a more outspoken individual, but the circumstances of late have forced that out of me. I simply felt the need to write down what I think about fitness and the world's opinions on such, so I did.
I would encourage anyone and everyone even the slightest bit interested in the world of fitness to take the class I just finished---Personal Training at AC taught by Trent O'Neal--even if you never want to be a personal trainer. While I don't put Trent up on some pedestal, I do respect his knowledge on weightlifting, aerobic training, and overall total body fitness. He has several degrees and a boatload of ideas on how to improve one's physique, mind, and overall wellbeing.
And for those to whom it matters, he is a Christian.

My hubby is also one of the smartest people I know about fitness (yes, he is a certified personal trainer and has been for many years), and I'm sure he would answer any and all questions asked of him. In fact, for over 13 years, I've leeched on to him for support and answers when I was in the least perfect shape. He's a brain. Trust me on this. And his physique is not too shabby either.
And for those to whom it matters, he is a Christian.

My desire is to see people mentally, physically, and spiritually fullfilled.
When I worked with my client (the one I had for a grade during the class), I saw an amazing transformation---and I do not take the full credit for that. Yes, I designed programs for her. I met with her once a week for an hour--that's all I was allowed. I showed her the proper lifting techniques, helped her figure out the different machines, and encouraged her as best I could. She, however, was the main reason for her own success. She took the initiative, took what I taught her, and ran with it. She not only pushed further and harder than I ever expected, she took the knowledge and shared it with her boyfriend. Together, they are changing their bodies and feeling great. I could not have been more pleased or felt more rewarded.

That's why I am excited to be a personal trainer, folks. No other reason. I want individuals AND couples to work their hardest, push their bodies to the limits, make crazy pie-in-the-sky goals, and feel good about themselves!
So you want to run a 1/2 marathon?
DO IT!
Feel the need to lose baby weight?
RIGHT ON, SISTER!
Trying to recover from surgery or trauma?
IT'S TOTALLY POSSIBLE!
Just want to improve your health, longevity, and build muscle?
GET AFTER IT!

That all being said, I personally believe the world has preyed upon our natural desire to better ourselves. Christian and non-Christian authors alike have written TONS of books on fitness, dealing with both physical and spiritual aspects. Heck, there are probably 20 magazines right now at the store on just fitness stuff alone. The problem here is that 90% of the population has had no real training nor real understanding of all things fitness-related, thus they fall victim to whatever is written and put in an eye-catching package.There are a million and one diet plans, new fads, old wives' tales, and much more that we have to weed through to find even an inkling of truth. I know some of these authors/dietitians/trainers/etc have their hearts in the right place, but they also have a steady paycheck from the sales of their books. Like I said before, I have read probably 4-6 of these books. I own some of them still. I will admit, for a time, they made me feel good. But that's where it ended. All I ever did was feel good for a season, and then I was right back to being unhappy with my body all over again. I would go back to the store, pick out another book, and try again. Same result. Something inside of me just knew there was a better way to achieve inner and outer peace. The God of this world didn't try to make it a mystery that we can only discover if we read the right book or listen to the right CD. He put different fitness blueprints inside of us all, and I believe it's up to the individual to harness that and make it work. No book can understand you or how God made you. Sorry. Not gonna happen.

And if you don't believe in God, I am still of the opinion that you, too, have a blueprint inside of you as to what will make your body perform and look its best.

I can tell you right now...I will be honest with my future clients and not sugarcoat things. I will be a pusher. An encourager. A motivator. I will not accept "I can't" as a statement used in a conversation during workout time. I will ask them to set goals, and I will regularly check in to see how they are progressing. I won't let a client do an exercise incorrectly, simply because it hurts less to do it a sloppy way or because they don't want to put forth the effort it takes. Just not going to happen. And I will always rely on my darling kettlebells. :)

No personal trainer on this planet can push you hard enough. No book can make you feel good enough. There is no magic pill and no instant cure. No diet plan works everyday, forever and ever, as long as you live. Trust me. I know this from painful experience. Tweak it, work with it, and mold it. Make your flesh submit to YOU, not you to it.
Look, I follow my OWN rules. I do, however, take advice from many different sources in order to form my own rules, which I believe is highly necessary.

Now...about dieting. That is such a harsh word, isn't it? Not all diets work for all people. For example, my husband has been on the Atkins diet (on and off--he has occasional cheat days because, you know, he IS human) since the ripe age of 13. It works for him, and he is completely happy with it. NOT ME. I hated the Atkins diet. I feel like a grumpy, starving, jittery mess when I try to follow it--for even just half a day! I found that reducing caloric intake and not eating after 7pm works for me.
I am not ashamed to say that I did participate in the Nutrisystem weight loss plan. They deliver perfectly portioned, low caloric count meals to your door, and they also give you a guide that teaches you how to incorporate fruits, veggies, and other goodies. They teach you to eat what is available, but within reason. I lost over 40lbs following this plan, and I contribute much of my current knowledge of portion control to them. I know women who have gone to the Doctor's Clinic and been highly successful. There are others in love with Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach Diet, etc. That's totally cool! If it teaches you the basics of how to harness your willpower, then I'm completely a fan!

Folks, this is what is boils down to: WILLPOWER. INNER STRENGTH. MIND OVER FLESH. Yes, it's great to love yourself, but do you really love yourself? I found that the more these books told me to do just that, the more miserable I was. I didn't love what I saw in the mirror until I chose to change and found the inner strength to do so. That doesn't come from a book. And don't EVEN get me started on weight loss pills...
I got my power back. I have the attitude that nothing is going to be impossible to me as long as I try my hardest and don't give up.
I love my curves and have a blast being naked with my husband.

*Yes, I wrote that outloud. Gasp.*

I do step on the scale on occasion, just to get an idea of where I'm at--especially if clothes are fitting tighter or I'm just not feeling like myself. Like around the holidays or that special time of the month. Bleh.
I encourage each of you to find that power within yourself. Stop searching for someone else's opinion on how you are supposed to feel in your own skin. Fancy words are no substitute for hard work, knowledge, and dedication.

And for the love of all that's sacred in this world, STOP comparing yourself to others. That is no good. Very bad. Stop it. You are you. End of story.

Again I say, do not be afraid to have an accountability partner. We all need them. And if you feel like you need the advice and encouragement of a personal trainer, that's what they are there for. If anything, they can show you new ways to work out so you don't get bored, frustrated, or embarrassed from lack of understanding of exercises or equipment. Too many times I see people join a gym, try a few things out, feel overwhelmed, and quit in a month because it's just all too much. Not cool. And it doesn't have to be that way, I promise.

FYI: Unfortunately, cardio machines are NOT going to really help you lose weight. They are great for building up the heart, but there are hundreds of other muscles in your body that need building up too. Lifting weights (either free weights or machines) will build those muscles, burn fat, and speed up your metabolism. John and I refer to people who lose a bunch of weight doing JUST cardio as "fat skinny people." Yes, they lost weight in lbs. Yes, they wear a smaller pant size. However, they are jello-y all over. No muscle tone, no definition. Skin over bones and fat. And yes, they have a bigger body fat percentage than someone heavier set that lifts weights. I have the data to prove that.

I am passionate about fitness. That will never change. I am also passionate about people. I just want to see them happy with themselves.

And I promise I won't write a book about it.

~Mel

The 4 Letter Word

Over the past year, I have become...

feisty?
ornery?
loud?
obnoxious?
different?
harsh?
opinionated?

2009 was NOT my year to shine, as I have already eluded to before. Trying to get past a season that seemed to last for 10 years, not just 1, has been very taxing on my mind. 2010 can only get better, right?

Well, it seems as though I have changed. I was having a conversation on the phone with the mister last night (he's pulling a 48hr shift--oh the joy), and I was ranting and raving about a current upset in our lives that won't seem to go away. I was griping, carrying on, whining, and just being a complete joy to talk to *obvious sarcasm there*. I said something that I never thought I'd hear myself say: "John, unfortunately I'm beginning to hate...and I don't like that feeling."

Yup. I said it. The big, ugly, no-no word--HATE.

Since when did I decide to hate?!?
Is it a human I hate?
No.
Is it a situation/circumstances I hate?
Yes.

Hmmmm.....

So, I guess over the past year, I've become all of those things listed above.
And I'm a hater.
I'm a hater of disagreements, frustrations that never seem to disappear, close-mindedness, zero tolerance, and very bad behavior toward humans.

You know the good ol' saying, "Why can't we all just get along?" Well, why can't we? Why does life have to be filled with such ups and downs?

*Yes, I realize I'm using more question marks than anything in this post, but what can I say? Oops, I did it again...*

I want everyone to like me. I need approval of those around me. I have enough love to forgive and forget, so why is that not reciprocated? Uggggg, the torture.

You know what, in circumstances such as this (what John and I are dealing with), I think it's okay to be a hater. After all, no one wants to walk through life frustrated and miserable.
Lord knows I certainly don't. So I'm totally at peace with hating this. And hear me when I say I am NOT hating a person/persons. I simply hate the situation, for it makes me uncomfortable. I would give anything for resolution.

Is there a situation in your life that you are comfortable with hating? Not that I promote anger and whatnot, I just think it's occasionally okay to feel this way. And I also think there are seasons when the words "praise the Lord" don't roll off my tongue on a daily basis. That doesn't mean I don't listen to Him, I just...I just...I just don't know.
This, too, shall pass.


~Mel

Can I Borrow Some Sanity?

As I sit here, there are three C-named children playing in the background. Now, I am using the term "playing" loosely here, because there is a lot of screaming and fit throwing coming from the dining room.

Can I borrow some sanity?

I love, love, love being a stay at home momma. These 3 babies are my pride and joy! All 3 personalities are so different--maybe that's why they clash on a daily basis. Caitlin gets so tired of the drama from the 2 younger ones, Christian whines because he's being picked on by his sisters, and Caroline tries to rule the roost as if she's the biggest one around.

Oh yeah...did I mention we got a cat?!? He's adorable. We adopted him from the Humane Society (the pound), and he's about 12 weeks old. He is gray with beautiful green eyes. My darling husband and children decided on the name Gary (they named him after Spongebob Squarepants' pet snail named Gary). The problem here is that there are WAY TOO MANY HELPERS. Poor Gary--he gets carted around, watched, held, snuggled, moved, etc about 100 times a day.

Again, can I borrow some sanity over here?

In the place I'm at in life, Facebook and blogging are my escapes. I can shut the world out for all of 10 minutes or so and act like I can't hear the house falling down around me.

I love them all, I do.

Nights when Daddy is on shift seem to drag on forever. No one to really keep us all company, nothing to do. The gym passes some time, but after that it's a free for all.
Oh yeah, and then there's homework. Glorious homework. And it can't be started until the 2 smaller C's are tucked away in bed, because Lord knows they want to "help" too much.

*deep sigh*

I'm sure all of the moms out there feel this way occasionally--okay, maybe everyday too. Who knows? Am I alone? Do you ever ask for sanity?

Maybe I'll go fold a load of laundry to clear my head.

Or play with Gary. I'm sure he'd appreciate some adult love.

~Mel

Mel's Fitness 101

Ha! Do you like the title of this one?!? :)

No, this is not another post from an obsessed woman about how you should be more like me.

Read the following, and then please comment, whether you agree or disagree. I love to get ANY form of feedback.

Dictionary.com defines FITNESS as: Good health or physical condition, especially as the result of exercise and proper nutrition.
With that being said, why is this world making it so darn complicated? I'll explain. When you walk in to a store--bookstore, Wal-Mart, convenience store, etc.--you are bombarded with self help books/videos/CD's on fitness. Everyone has an opinion on how to obtain the perfect body, mind, soul, and spirit. Unfortunately, some of the best known Christian authors are being sucked into the vortex of spewing fitness and nutrition guides, and they have absolutely NO TRUE UNDERSTANDING of what they are saying to women (and it's targeted toward women especially these days, because it feeds off of our insecurities).

I have read some of these books, and if you were to peruse my library here at home, you would probably find at least 4. The problem with all of them is this: yes, they make some valid points, but are they REALLY helping us? Do they know what Melissa Haskell eats, how she works out, how she even really views her body?? Do they know that?!? No. In my opinion, too many American women have been fed the b.s. that we are okay where we are and there is no real need to change. Be happy with what you see, regardless of how you truly feel on the inside. Take it one step at a time and celebrate whatever it is that God has given you.

Ok, yes. There is a very small piece of validity to that, but I choose to take it to the next level.
SET GOALS. It's okay to have a mark high in the sky that you are striving toward. And so what if it's considered an unrealistic goal? Let me just share from my own experiences here: I was told that no 5'10, 150lb (and YES, that is my real weight. I don't care who knows), size DD boobed, broad shouldered woman should run a 1/2 marathon. It would be too stressful on her joints since she doesn't have the typical "runner's body," and it would be foolish to have that goal, let alone actually attempt it.

I ran that 1/2 marathon--every second of it--and I am already preparing for my next one.
So there.

What if there was a "feel good" book handed out to every new contestant on The Biggest Loser that told them that if they would just get right with God, love and accept themselves, push away from the table, and get their butts into the gym once in a while then all would be happy and wonderful. Would that go over too well? No, because it's the same song and verse they've heard their entire lives. They came to the contest expecting more. They WANT to change, and what they see is not what they want to see forever. They come there asking for help, and what they get is a complete makeover--but not from a magic pill, a book, or a cream. It's HARD WORK and lots of it. They set goals, and sometimes they fall short. Does that mean they quit? No. They get yelled at and bossed around 24/7. Do they quit? No. Some get sent home, but the majority of the time it's because they pose a "threat" to the others--they are losing more weight, meeting goals quicker, etc.
I really hope this is all making sense.

John and I have been working out since we were in our teens. We work out together, which is very rare for couples these days. We bounce exercise/nutrition ideas off of each other constantly. We try new things, set new goals, talk through our frustrations with our bodies, and have basically found accountability in each other. That's a great way to be fit. Find someone who "gets" you. I guarantee that 99.9% of the friends/family members that you have pre-judged as someone that might ridicule or be too competitive with you are really the ones that want accountability too.

I would love to write a book on this, but it would honestly just be 1 paragraph long. And here it is for your reading pleasure:

"Fitness has become a bad word, even though it's associated with weight loss, setting goals, eating healthier, and finding that perfect balance between mind, body, soul, and spirit. We as women are strong. We don't need the world to tell us how to look--we already have our inner selves to thank for that. It's very simple: eat healthy, non-processed, balanced meals. Take the time to release the stresses of everyday life. Exercise, whether that be in a gym or in your living room. Pay more attention to how your clothes fit than to what a scale says, even though a scale can be a good indicator that things need to change. They aren't the devil, you know. Do your own research in books or on the internet, and see what the current standards of fitness are. They are there as guidelines, not commandments. Find an accountability partner that will be an encouragement, but will also not be shy to tell it like it is and give you that extra kick in the butt when you need it. Never stop trying. Go the extra mile, make HUGE goals, and push yourself. It's okay if you don't succeed the first time, but it's not okay to quit. God did give us an inner desire to better ourselves, so it would be wise to listen to what He put in your heart vs. what someone writes in a book. Do love yourself, but don't get too comfortable with what the world has to offer in the way of temptations. Don't punish yourself if you fail or feel miserable about yourself--it happens to all of us, I guarantee it. Above all, respect yourself and have a positive mindset. And do the extra 10 crunches that you've been avoiding each time."

I have had 3 children. I know what it's like to look in the mirror and not like what you see. Even though my sweet husband reminds me daily that he loves the way I look, I can always think of a way to improve. That's NOT BEING OBSESSED. It's being me. If he and I are obsessed with working out, then so be it. I will run those extra miles, do the extra crunches, and bench press the extra pounds to prove to MYSELF that I can do it. No one else matters when I'm in my workout zone. True story.

1/2 marathon: done
bench press my body weight: done
lose baby weight 3 different times: done
love my body NOW: done and then undone
changed goals/made new ones: done

Ladies, it's okay. Share what you've accomplished. Be proud of what a strong female you are, inside and out. Everyone has different desires. STOP the comparison game, because I can promise that you are only hurting yourself. I learned that lesson the hard way. Step up to the plate, take the hit, and run for the base. Never look back.
Fitness is a lifestyle change. It doesn't come from a self-help book, nor can a personal trainer always be responsible for guiding you in the right direction. Be uncomfortable. That's okay. And remember that fitness really is just one area of life--don't make it your main focus, but don't ignore it either. Then and only then will you truly feel good about yourself.

And just think of the money you save from putting down those self help weight loss books, pills, creams, and diet plans. It's enough to buy a new outfit! :)

"Fitness to me is not about a crunch or a push up, it's about taking your power back."
~Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser trainer)

~Mel